I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
