Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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