Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We need to get me chipped asap
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
