My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
