She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
