I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
