I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
