What did we do last night that was yellow?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
