Duck Duck Cougar?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
