i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
