And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
