i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
