I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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