dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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