A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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