Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
