last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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