I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
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