Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
