Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
