ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
