well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The Olympian is in my bed
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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