I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
