Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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