Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
