Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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