and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
