Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
