After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
