got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
