I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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