and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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