I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
