i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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