zippers are such a cool invention
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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