I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
All I want is dick and wine.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
