I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
