dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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