She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
