So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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