im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
