By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
