babies were throwing up all over the place
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
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