Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
