bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Randomize
