i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You have to summon your inner elephant
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
