i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
