I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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