I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you win again, gameday.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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