I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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